Hand Drill Hannibal Strikes Again

Humor

Olive Walk, Caltech, Pasadena, USA — In a shocking turn of events, the elusive “Hand Drill Hannibal” has struck again, this time pilfering hand drills from both Blacker Hovse and Page House within the last week. Local residents are in a frenzy as the drill bandit continues to leave no tool unturned.

Witnesses describe Hannibal as a figure shrouded in mystery. “They’ve definitely got a taste for the finer drills,” said one concerned citizen, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Photo of Mark Zuckerberg peering into a window ominously

The Hand Drill Hannibal (Artist Rendition)

These theft reports come amid a fierce campus war that also occurred within the last week, with frosh “pranking” rival houses across the Olive Walk with devious licks including but not limited to: pool tables, basketball hoops, gongs, signs, couches, seesaws, TVs and other cultural relics deemed non-RFable.*

Authorities (house stewards) are on high alert, urging residents to secure their power tools and watch for any suspicious activity. “If you see any frosh loitering around your tool room with a mischievous grin and a cordless drill, you are urged to immediately contact your nearest senior,” warned an anonymous representative of the Class of 2025 in a press release just now.

Page House leadership announced to fellow house members over Discord, pleading for answers and whereabouts of the culprit(s) who seemed to have stolen all of the drills, “Does anybody know where the House Drills are? They’ve disappeared from the work closet?!”

Since Interhovse construction in Blacker during the third term of last year, Blacker has experienced an unintended reduction in supply of hand drills, making its culture of construction and building more difficult to carry out. The tool room went from 5 hand drills to only 1 as of Oct 16.

“[In] the past couple years [we’ve] had tools disappearing like crazy from the Blacker tool room”, due to theft, loss, and misplacement. “We are unsure if it is [Blacker] members or other houses [who are responsible], but we are going to need to get the door code changed and all Blacker tools may be entered into a management software. This would require moles to use their phone to connect to the tools over Bluetooth and sign the tool out before they would be able to operate,” says Damage Control representative Luke Alvidrez (ME ‘26, Blacker).

Meanwhile, speculation is rampant about which house might be next on Hannibal’s hit list. With Blacker Hovse already devastated by the abduction of their precious drills, and Page House’s Interhouse party construction scrambling prior to their very fine event this past weekend, demand is growing for an answer and the return of the drills.

As the drill drama unfolds, one thing is clear: the stakes are high, and the community is united in their quest to catch these kleptomaniacal frosh. Keep your eyes peeled, Techers — Hand Drill Hannibal is out there!

*Non-RFables (as defined by IHC Resolution 1):

  • Blacker Hovse Dining Hall Tapestry
  • Fleming Hovse Bell
  • Fleming Cannon
  • Wall-Sized Fleming Flag
  • Lloyd House Portrait
  • Page House Portrait
  • Page House Nixon Poster
  • Page House Pool Tables & Equipment
  • Lloyd House Gong
  • Dabney Hovse Tarot Card Murals
  • Avery House Canvas Murals
  • Ricketts Hovse Pool Tables & Equipment
  • Ricketts Hovse Speakers
  • Venerable House Crest Banner
  • Grant D. Venerable Portrait