On Self-Love
Due to the sensitivity of the surrounding topic, the student writer requested their work be published anonymously.
A lot can happen in one minute. Sixty little seconds. An infinite number of moments. It only takes a moment for everything to change, not just for your life, but the lives of the people around you too. It’s interesting how things happen, the way we come out with these nice things we normally wouldn’t do. People say things they normally wouldn’t say. People value other people more than they normally would. People forgive each other for things because whatever they were mad at becomes insignificant in comparison to the thought of losing someone they’re close to. So if life can be gone so quickly and so unexpectedly, why don’t we say those things before we don’t have the chance to? It can be hard to live in such an extreme or open way; a lot of people might not know how to respond. But there are certain times when it’s better to say too much than not enough. Because really, what’s the harm? Even if you’re hurt or embarrassed, it never lasts forever; that’s the beauty of time. Eventually, things fade. Why wouldn’t you say too much?
I think many of us tend to forget the position of privilege that we are in at Caltech. The little island we’re living on, between Wilson, Del Mar, California, and Hill, tends to keep us a little more ostracized from the rest of the world than most of us have ever been or even realize. I’ve seen too many people worrying about sets, deadlines, and doing things right rather than thinking about how they’re actually spending their lives. Are we then living in line with our values, or just mindlessly moving through time? We’re lucky to be able to worry about arduous schoolwork because our basic needs are already met. That’s not something everyone gets.
The chances of us being here, on this earth, at Caltech, at this exact time, are impossibly small. The possibility of the chain of events that had to happen for you to be reading this with the people around you is zero. And yet here we are. None of us should be here, but here we are anyway. So check in on the people around you. Push each other up. Remember that life exists outside of this bubble, and that the people beside you are carrying more than you can see.
And while you’re at it, love too hard. I don’t think it’s possible to love someone or something halfway. Either you do, or you don’t. So if you do, give it everything. At least if you fail, you’ll know you laid it all out there. Pride gets in the way of a lot of potentially beautiful moments. After a while, all the little things you don’t say start to pile up. And then you’re left with a heavy heart and all kinds of regret. All because you wanted to stay safe. Living a life full of regret turns your gifts from god into endless punishments. I’ve gone into relationships where I knew heartbreak was practically a guarantee, and I went for it anyway, just on the off chance that I might find something rare. I’m an endlessly hopeful person in that way. You might end up getting hurt, but you’ll still be here, and you’ll be a better person because of it. You can’t let hurt change you, as hard as it may try. Find the grace in your failings, and remember to stay vulnerable, stay kind, stay understanding, and stay gentle.
When it comes down to our infinite number of moments, our time on this earth with the experiences and people we love is finite. We are a result of the experiences life hands us and how we react to those experiences. If all of our experiences have been somewhere in that “halfway range,” then what kind of person does that make us? Of course, not every day has to be extraordinary. That isn’t realistic when you factor in all of the responsibilities and obligations we have to keep up with. And honestly, for me, sometimes living life to the fullest means going back to bed. But we can all do ourselves a small favor by saying what we need to say, and then saying a little bit more.