Vol. CXXVII, Issue 20

A SATIRE advice column about alive, ahaha, and everything in between!

This past summer I was walking on campus when in a window I saw something I would not expect to see at a technical school – a flyer with the following poem printed on it: I don’t care how God-damn smart / these guys are: I’m bored. / It’s been raining like hell all day long / and there’s nothing to do

Hi! It’s me again, your sleeper buddy who has been hung up on the Getting Better Sleep Workshop by SWS ever since it happened. But it doesn’t stop there – now my YouTube algorithm has been suggesting videos about sleep too. And honestly? I’ll take it. I am now invested in getting better sleep, and hopefully you are along for the ride.

At the beginning of the fall term, the Caltech Pond Bridge was transformed by artist Lita Albuquerque into a gold foil installation — the largest she has made to date — dubbed This Moment in Time. It’s part of a larger art exhibit at Caltech called Crossing Over: Art and Science at Caltech. Apparently, some people couldn’t wait until December 15th to walk over the bridge, which has been gradually sullied with footprints over the course of the term. This came as somewhat of a disappointment to Albuquerque.

The Committee on House Assessment, Support, and Experience (CHASE) was formed in Spring 2023 and “charged by the Vice President for Student Affairs Kevin Gilmartin to develop strategic recommendations to ensure that the undergraduate houses remain supportive living and learning environments, where current and future Caltech students can thrive and succeed,” according to an email sent to undergraduates last spring.